The WHITE ROSE has always been a nice symbol for me as it stands in a dozen roses claiming to represent eternal love. As I stare at the feminine beauty and long delicate, sultry petals one might question the reality of the white rose. It is talked about, you can actually see it and yet you ask is it a real metaphor. Perhaps, as the senses inhale, good old logic weighs in, and you begin to wonder about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Allowing the dubious soul to nibble on these metaphors, similes, and allegories can be entertaining and addictive and on the other hand, the habitual distrust of your romanticism can also be limiting. So, did you scan your landscape of people and experiences (some actualized some visualized) throughout the world on Valentine’s Day or did you just plunge into lonely self pity as you coveted the Valentine experience of all those people who get to indulge in love and kisses and mixed with the counterpoints of deep human contentment? Did anyone almost “worship” you with layers of flirting touches with hourly gifts of sensual courtships? Or did you get the Drug Store box of chocolates and a note….love ya….Happy V Day…..your horn dog!
A Valentine is a flower that pops up all over…and all of the time. A Valentine Day is a reminder to put down the practical logic of the hard working bread winner, (a label the male complains about but secretly wears it on his lapel) and indulge in the beauty of the Valentine. A simple but surprising gesture might be pulling out the massage table from the closet and get the candles going and the oils warm in front of the fireplace. You can also shower, clean up, brush your teeth, gargle Listerine, and change your name if that helps any. In my case, with my helmet on, I am Jon Baker and without it I am just plain old Larry. The doggy mask is on New Years. (There I go again….) Anyway, the nice thing about ambiance is, it can free up your budget and encumbered conscious. Soft, warm Lights, lingering fragrances, quiet crackling fireplace and some very soft music are a nice change and gesture.
The massage is about resonance isn’t it? We make jokes about our “just get er done” mentality and soon our “mentality” becomes a “habit” and the habit gets old and for some boring. Breaking the habit requires discernment about your rough callousness; your apparel and look, your pattern of speech and subject matter; and your ability to listen with a kind eye and the soft reflection of your warm and caring hand. When one gets a good massage, the hands or at least one hand never leaves contact with the guest body…..because that is the energy connection between the two. Setting your mind up into a certain transmission state can be powerful and making sure you are sensitive, caring, and loving comes through those warm hands. The entire body yearns for these experiences and the one area that requires extra time and discrete sensitivity are those tired and worn feet, heels, toes and arches. The experience of feeling the presence of love often gives the heart freedom .
Valentines change and evolve over the chapters of time. When you were 8 years old and you took a flower, which you thought was a red rose, and in fact it was a red carnation, and embarrassingly handed it to your cute little girlfriend in grade school and gushed red in the cheeks…..that was a gateway to the evolution of the relationship narrative wasn’t it? It was emotional and made you anxious and tickled! Relationships are seared in the DNA of the good ole human narrative and we feel whole with some kind of relationship. With some it is a spouse, or a lover and with others a dog, cat or horse.
In your teen years the Valentine may have been your labeled, “soul mate” and this time you gave her a dozen roses and even spent all your money on some ornate jewelry that you thought was gorgeous. This gorgeous jewelry was recommended by some taxi-driver who was working part time in a jewelry store sharing classy insights with you on why fake and colored gem stones were better. Now these Valentines brought out the lust and often created an emotionally dependent relationship commonly referred to as addictive or co-dependent. Oh, who knew how powerful that indulgent emotion and pesky little lust were…..who knew how you would go to such extremes in displaying your sacrificial martyrdom for such emotions. Actually, I believe some refer to that as passionate ignorance. There is a part of me that enjoyed that blissful being and the transitions therein. I think the famous Czech author wrote a book about this once called The Unbearable Lightness of Being. And of course Ingmar Bergman touched on it with his movie, Fanny and Alexander. Hmmm, to indulge or not?
And as you evolve into the so called adulthood (in males it is usually in the 30’s unfortunately- maturity that is!) when the frontal cortex begins to finalize the myelin sheath on the neurons for logic vs. emotion you begin to finally synapse and distil your emotions with a finer grade of litmus paper, which has hopefully become more time honored. It is this time that habit can become like sound waves that are involved in phasing, where one wave cancels out the other wave. Imagine someone who just works, and just eats and just sleeps for the rest of his human narrative. I think in the film business we call these people “bad actors”. So it is during these adult years that habits must be reviewed and exciting memories awakened and the vulnerability of the fragile male must be provoked. Guys, if you are nodding off and snoring in the theatre at the chick-flick wishing you were having a beer with the boys with your Harley outside……all, while your Valentine is subtly wiping her eyes during the movie hoping not to “disturb you” …..you may need a wake-up call. Time to be a mentor instead of a TORmentor!
Sometimes the Valentine is a child, an offspring, a wife or in some cases a friend or a lover. I believe memories are Valentines and for me they are private and special. I thank my “memories” and I feel an emotional gratitude for all of them. It is a sort of renaissance (do males have a renaissance?) when you begin to scan the landscape you see a variety of Valentines and the reward is an enormous amount of gratitude and joy.
On February 14, 2014 I was reading some verbiage that was written on Facebook of all places. And as I luckily had come upon this posting by chance, I kept reading about this miracle. This family had been confronted with some tough issues recently and one of them was their beloved Mother and her Cancer and the reality of a looming mortality. On February 14, 2014 the son announced that the Doctors were flabbergasted at the miracle they had never seen. The MOM was cancer free and it had disappeared. They were overjoyed with the news and the future it gave them with their Mom and their children’s’ Grandma. As I scanned the landscape of friends, some known and some unknown, I realized this miracle was one of my Valentine gifts also….it gave me so much emotional joy and provided my friend’s family with a serene beauty of deep and glowing, gratitude. This was GOD’s Valentine, for sure! To my smart, articulate, and loving friend, I say congrats and I am so happy this happened to you and your family on Valentine’s Day, 2/14/14.
Remember……scan the landscape, not the mirror! Change the habit, and maybe even your name. And don’t forget the ambiance while you admire the White Rose of eternal love. Give love and let the heart be free. In my case, I Thank YOU so much for my children!