The WHITE ROSE has always been a nice symbol for me as it stands in a dozen roses claiming to represent eternal love. As I stare at the feminine beauty and long delicate, sultry petals one might question the reality of the white rose. It is talked about, you can actually see it and yet you ask is it a real metaphor. Perhaps, as the senses inhale, good old logic weighs in, and you begin to wonder about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Allowing the dubious soul to nibble on these metaphors, similes, and allegories can be entertaining and addictive and on the other hand, the habitual distrust of your romanticism can also be limiting. So, did you scan your landscape of people and experiences (some actualized some visualized) throughout the world on Valentine’s Day or did you just plunge into lonely self pity as you coveted the Valentine experience of all those people who get to indulge in love and kisses and mixed with the counterpoints of deep human contentment? Did anyone almost “worship” you with layers of flirting touches with hourly gifts of sensual courtships? Or did you get the Drug Store box of chocolates and a note….love ya….Happy V Day…..your horn dog!
A Valentine is a flower that pops up all over…and all of the time. A Valentine Day is a reminder to put down the practical logic of the hard working bread winner, (a label the male complains about but secretly wears it on his lapel) and indulge in the beauty of the Valentine. A simple but surprising gesture might be pulling out the massage table from the closet and get the candles going and the oils warm in front of the fireplace. You can also shower, clean up, brush your teeth, gargle Listerine, and change your name if that helps any. In my case, with my helmet on, I am Jon Baker and without it I am just plain old Larry. The doggy mask is on New Years. (There I go again….) Anyway, the nice thing about ambiance is, it can free up your budget and encumbered conscious. Soft, warm Lights, lingering fragrances, quiet crackling fireplace and some very soft music are a nice change and gesture.
The massage is about resonance isn’t it? We make jokes about our “just get er done” mentality and soon our “mentality” becomes a “habit” and the habit gets old and for some boring. Breaking the habit requires discernment about your rough callousness; your apparel and look, your pattern of speech and subject matter; and your ability to listen with a kind eye and the soft reflection of your warm and caring hand. When one gets a good massage, the hands or at least one hand never leaves contact with the guest body…..because that is the energy connection between the two. Setting your mind up into a certain transmission state can be powerful and making sure you are sensitive, caring, and loving comes through those warm hands. The entire body yearns for these experiences and the one area that requires extra time and discrete sensitivity are those tired and worn feet, heels, toes and arches. The experience of feeling the presence of love often gives the heart freedom .
Valentines change and evolve over the chapters of time. When you were 8 years old and you took a flower, which you thought was a red rose, and in fact it was a red carnation, and embarrassingly handed it to your cute little girlfriend in grade school and gushed red in the cheeks…..that was a gateway to the evolution of the relationship narrative wasn’t it? It was emotional and made you anxious and tickled! Relationships are seared in the DNA of the good ole human narrative and we feel whole with some kind of relationship. With some it is a spouse, or a lover and with others a dog, cat or horse.
In your teen years the Valentine may have been your labeled, “soul mate” and this time you gave her a dozen roses and even spent all your money on some ornate jewelry that you thought was gorgeous. This gorgeous jewelry was recommended by some taxi-driver who was working part time in a jewelry store sharing classy insights with you on why fake and colored gem stones were better. Now these Valentines brought out the lust and often created an emotionally dependent relationship commonly referred to as addictive or co-dependent. Oh, who knew how powerful that indulgent emotion and pesky little lust were…..who knew how you would go to such extremes in displaying your sacrificial martyrdom for such emotions. Actually, I believe some refer to that as passionate ignorance. There is a part of me that enjoyed that blissful being and the transitions therein. I think the famous Czech author wrote a book about this once called The Unbearable Lightness of Being. And of course Ingmar Bergman touched on it with his movie, Fanny and Alexander. Hmmm, to indulge or not?
And as you evolve into the so called adulthood (in males it is usually in the 30’s unfortunately- maturity that is!) when the frontal cortex begins to finalize the myelin sheath on the neurons for logic vs. emotion you begin to finally synapse and distil your emotions with a finer grade of litmus paper, which has hopefully become more time honored. It is this time that habit can become like sound waves that are involved in phasing, where one wave cancels out the other wave. Imagine someone who just works, and just eats and just sleeps for the rest of his human narrative. I think in the film business we call these people “bad actors”. So it is during these adult years that habits must be reviewed and exciting memories awakened and the vulnerability of the fragile male must be provoked. Guys, if you are nodding off and snoring in the theatre at the chick-flick wishing you were having a beer with the boys with your Harley outside……all, while your Valentine is subtly wiping her eyes during the movie hoping not to “disturb you” …..you may need a wake-up call. Time to be a mentor instead of a TORmentor!
Sometimes the Valentine is a child, an offspring, a wife or in some cases a friend or a lover. I believe memories are Valentines and for me they are private and special. I thank my “memories” and I feel an emotional gratitude for all of them. It is a sort of renaissance (do males have a renaissance?) when you begin to scan the landscape you see a variety of Valentines and the reward is an enormous amount of gratitude and joy.
On February 14, 2014 I was reading some verbiage that was written on Facebook of all places. And as I luckily had come upon this posting by chance, I kept reading about this miracle. This family had been confronted with some tough issues recently and one of them was their beloved Mother and her Cancer and the reality of a looming mortality. On February 14, 2014 the son announced that the Doctors were flabbergasted at the miracle they had never seen. The MOM was cancer free and it had disappeared. They were overjoyed with the news and the future it gave them with their Mom and their children’s’ Grandma. As I scanned the landscape of friends, some known and some unknown, I realized this miracle was one of my Valentine gifts also….it gave me so much emotional joy and provided my friend’s family with a serene beauty of deep and glowing, gratitude. This was GOD’s Valentine, for sure! To my smart, articulate, and loving friend, I say congrats and I am so happy this happened to you and your family on Valentine’s Day, 2/14/14.
Remember……scan the landscape, not the mirror! Change the habit, and maybe even your name. And don’t forget the ambiance while you admire the White Rose of eternal love. Give love and let the heart be free. In my case, I Thank YOU so much for my children!
Larry
Wow, that was beautiful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, especially about your friend’s family, and their Valentines day miracle…so great to hear stories like that!
I spent my Valentines Day serving dinner to a group of seniors, and had so much fun listening to the stories that they shared. Most of the couples have been together for 40 years or more–such incredible love stories! My own story ended differently, but is no less a miracle. Four years ago, my husband and I shared what we knew would be our last holiday together. He was dying of cancer (at only 46), and felt like he didn’t have much to give, but what he left for me was the best gift I ever received! He spent a little time writing notes and hiding them in odd places for me to find now and then…I just found another one this past Christmas! He also “gave” me a song (Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol), and I seem to hear it whenever I need it. His thoughtfulness has left me with great memories instead of great sadness…not bad for a guy!
Thanks again for sharing your insight–always love to read your articles!
Ohhhh Hugs Shawnette….what a special husband….wow. May you enjoy his sensitive passion and spirit. Thank you for reading my column and thank you again for sharing.
Larry
Beautifully said Larry! So glad you and your wonderful Mar found each other. I truly believe the true mark of success isn’t the amount in money your bank account but the amount of love in your life. 🙂 God bless!
Yes Sue….the LOVE is the real Bank! thanks for all….
Larry
To me Valentine’s Day is not the amount that is spent, nor if you have dinner out, it is the quality time that you spend with ones you love.
Valentine’s Day can truly occur every day of the year and sometimes in the smallest ways.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Have a Blessed Day!!
yes…you are correct Pam…..every day if we notice….Valentines Day graces us. Thank you
Larry
Aww Larry that is wonderful and well said I must say it actually brought a tear to my eye as my adopted parents would always spend Valentine’s Day together and when I was growing up it was the simple things they did for each other dad would do everything on that day for my mum he would cook dinner, seen to myself and my brother and he would leave random love notes for my mum and it was the small gifts that she enjoyed from him like the piece of jewellery with her birthstone or her favourite Gem the opal, but the biggest present on valentine’s day for my mum was the time she was able to spend with my dad but sadly this year dad spent his first valentine’s day without my mum due to her losing her battle to breast cancer 27th of September 2013 and on valentine’s day it would have been their 20th wedding anniversary also…you are right it is not all about the expensive piece of item for valentine’s day it is the fact you are sharing it with the one you love and will forever cherish and through experience I have to admit some men do not understand the concept of love or cherishing the one you have….I love the story you shared about your friend and their family they are blessed and lucky to receive the most amazing and priceless gift on valentine’s day their mother to be cancer free….it has made my insight on life much more understanding and to cherish every moment I have as it is said money does not buy love and I have to admit I found myself prepared to face life and grab the bull by its horns figuratively speaking and found myself seeking comfort and peace from god more so after finding out about my adopted mother and I have to admit it was your life stories and your strength and caring nature and wisdom among some other celebrities (who I see as just your average human being) behind the camera that has given me the strength to make a new life for myself and become stronger and slowly work at my trust issues….Thank You for sharing Larry and for your amazing view and lease on life….God Bless and Love you <3 Ambie-Rose xxxx
Well Ambie…you have experienced some pain and painful issues but I hope you control those thoughts and focus on a reality that YOU create by controlling and dictating what you think about. I am sorry for your losses, your trust issues and yet I am happy you have found the way, the LIGHT. Hugs to you and God Bless.
thank you Larry and I’m trying days it gets hard and I must admit I try my hardest I do know that what I been through physically and emotionally to distroy my trust is not easy to say as people do judge you in different ways but I’m learning to live and love and especially trust again and apart from my adopted father helping I have to admit reading your blog entries is helping me get through the real hard times
Thanks again, Larry for another great article. I love reading them and getting your perspective on things. Keep them coming and I hope you and Mar have many more Valentines to come.
Thank you for indulging me….over the years!
Larry
A good reminder also, to not restrict opening our emotions to just one day a year! We can leave our heart open to new possibilities the other 364 days a year as well… in all relationship levels, from the ones with our pets all the way up to the One (or Ones) we put faith in. Thanks for sharing this post!
Thank you Jessica….and yes…..habits often become problems so I prefer the habit of showing and expressing love and sensitivity.
Larry
Simply beautiful. You have manged, once again, to reach out and open up a part of me that has been lost. I have a long way to go but finding you, with your beautiful writings, has truly made an impact on me. I thought I was going to be lost forever. You are my inspiration, thank you Larry.
Ahhh Dana….do not be lost. One day I was thinking selfishly that my friends in the film business never reach out and they just probably think I am lost. Then I thought….well do YOU reach out to them Larry? No….so they probably have no idea. LOL….so thank you Dana for reading and participating. Hugs….
Larry
Larry,
This was beautiful thank you. I understand, that is why I try to you find something everyday to gladden the heart and lift the spirit. If you look around you you can find the beauty thunderstorm, snow falling, or a gentle rain. Noticing the birds around you. The elegance of the trees even when their barren from winter you can see the complicated and majestic skeletons of each; their gracefulness in the summer. Thank you for reminding everyone about those special Valentine’s that we get every day and notice them.
Thank you!
Debora
Yes Debora….the visual landscape and our senses drop little valentines and kisses on us daily….and it is fun to enjoy alone and/or with someone.
Thank you
Larry
This is beautifully written. Me, I spent Valentine’s Day helping my folks clean a rent house. We gagged, laughed and basically cheered each other on.
As a single person, I used to look longingly at couples on V-Day, but have since decided that love should be shown EVERY day, not just one special day.
If I ever do find that someone special, I hope to have a life filled with love, laughter, tears and yes, even some pain. It makes us all human.
My parents have been married this years for 59 years and I hope to have them around, regardless of how much hassle and “trouble” they may become.
Yep, Valentine’s Day may indeed be for “Lovers”, but for some, it comes every day!
Thanks for a beautiful piece.
Peggy
Peggy
I think it is important to find little love scenes daily for your soul and your heart. These love scenes can be with a simple inner dialogue; a snuggle with your cat or dog; a look in the eye to another human showing immense gratitude and a conversation alone with your maker…..good luck and thank you
Larry
Thanks Larry for teaching about the white rose. Never heard that before. Always insightful and inspiring. Love the story of the Mom who no longer has cancer. Far too many suffer and I have known some that have made it and some that have passed on. You should treat your loved ones special often for you never know when they too will no longer be with you. I watch my kids learn new things everyday and am proud of them for the young adults that they have turned into. I live vicariously through them and their youthful spirit as we go on in life. I am glad that you had such special times with your wife and family. God Bless and Hugs Sir.
Thanks Nancy for reading and I hope you and your husband continue to enjoy each other and your children.
Larry
yet again larry you have written such a beautiful piece on valentines,im so happy for your friends family and the miracle they have received,many more blessings to them all,when I was growing up I always made a big deal out of valentines day,yes even having the self oity party for not getting anything when all my girlfriends got a card or something,but today it means something so different,i have a wonderful husband who gave 22 years of his service to the us army and my beautiful son ethan,without them I am nothing,every day is a valentine day for me as I celebrate life love and happiness,we have had our own personal struggles,our son became our miracle of life when I have lost so many before,so I do believe in miracles because god sent me one and now he will be a little 4 yr old soon,i thank god for your friends miracle,ty soo much for sharing with us your words,have a blessed weekend and have fun 🙂
Julie
I am so sorry for your loses of the past and yet so happy you have your son Ethan now. The loss of those beings inside of you is one that most males just have no idea how painful and searing that experience is. However, one must grieve and continue to grow and I hope that God;s Gift to you and your husband is cherished daily. We never know when we will transition or someone we love will transition to another dimension if you will. Anyway, hugs and thank you and your wonderful family.
Larry
I loved reading about your Valentines Day Column and the miracle of what happened to your friend and their family. I’m so happy for them.
For me Valentines day happens every day in my home. I have a wonderful loving husband and children. My husband spoils me daily and does little things to remind me how much he treasures me. This being my second marriage I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful person to share my life with.
It’s the little things in life that bring the best joys. I’m truly grateful to have found him and to have been given a second change at love. Our family is a happy one. It’s not all perfection but we work at it and make it what it is. To everyone out there. Enjoy every moment of every day and celebrate it daily and not just on one day of the year. Thank you once again Larry for such a lovely column ((hugs)) to you and your family. Maria 🙂
Great column Larry. Made me really look at life in a whole new way. I have been happily married for close to 15 years now and see how all of that takes shape in relationships.
Ha Larry!
I will tell you my Valentine’s Day and Christmas. My father called me about 1 week ago and said he found a box of chocolates hanging on the door knob he bought from Walgreen’s and just hung them there and forgot them until yesterday. And he finally found the Christmas gift he for me he lost. And then he asked if he could bring them over. Ah…sure. Then he stayed about 1 1/2 hours, the last hour of which, was nothing but WW XXXXVI.
But anyway, I am watching Murder She Wrote right now and you were on there and I was trying to remember your name so I hunted for it and found you and then your website. So, HEY! Nice to see you! :-)))