I look back on certain holidays like Halloween and feel lots of remorse. Remember when your parent or some other parent said that 
they wanted to meet the parents of this girl you liked or a boy some girl was in love with….remember your reaction. In my case I was passionate about how stupid that was, how judgmental and myopic and imagine allowing people to pre- judge a human being that was often striving for success …….uh….like me. I had a single mom raising 4 children and I was not going to accept any judgment for my injustice or so called handicap. Youthful denial and transference are part of a person’s survival and armor and as a result we often put off the confrontation of our character’s strengths and weaknesses till our 40s after we have injured a lot of things and people.
Halloween was chaos and injury and excitement and reckless abandon for me. Halloween provided lots of fun and hormones and some people were ready to manage it and some were not and would ricochet in the chaos they were comfortable with as a child. Halloween and the myriad of characters and scary indulgence was what I was about.
In retrospect, if I had two parents who would have “raised and prepared me” for life I hope and believe I would have accelerated sooner. We were taught strict manners at the table and in people’s houses with the traditional, Please, Thank You and May I Please Be Excused. We learned by rote I suppose but did not take the time for the discussion about what it truly means in life and how to model such in your choices in life. However in my case, I lucked out with acting and its enormous rewards at a point when I was still evolving. I was not ready for success and money as a young man. I was all of a sudden making one million dollars a year and not even close to being ready. I was thrust into Halloween again, chaos with reckless abandon and all the money to play. The Bible talks about corner stones and foundations……and of course mine was one of sand and high speed.
I was raised by my wonderful mother as our father was an alcoholic and had abandoned the 4 children he indulgently created with my mother. I never was around him so I never missed him and to this day I do not feel as I missed anything. However, my choices in life suggest I missed a lot. This was my template, my model of a good life. I can remember as a boy being proud of my identity. What identity? Well, my memory says that my Mom said, “Larry, he is a strong boy with a hair trigger temper.” I thought that was a compliment. My brother would question my identity by asking if I got in any fights this week? My Mom, well she never asked me and just told me to work hard in life so work ethic was my template. Manners were my template but the depth of understanding feelings and people were NOT my template.
Today I was thinking of the kids who have limited or no parenting. I was thinking about kids whose parents yell and scream with rage and profanities as a model. I was thinking of those kids today who replicate the behavior of the “model” they see and hear daily. On top of that, today I was thinking about the kids who had their first love affair and were abandoned and could not fathom the loss of such deep new and unfamiliar feelings. I was thinking of the vacillating identity that each of these kids sought when they had no models, no templates and only a couple of masks to help them through a life of searching. How many people would they punish directly and indirectly in their lives? Yes, Halloween was full of real masks upon masks. It was an exciting time in many households with no sturdy architected foundation to start life or often referred to as behavioral disorders.
Halloween always seemed to me just an excuse to raise Caine one night in October with my buddies. Imagine being the “subject matter” of tomorrow’s cool conversation as one’s conscious scanned the horizon for sunlight and looked for identity, not sure how to discern a good and bad identity.
Well, as little boys (Randy, Larry and Andy) walking in the dark with spooky characters and masks we wondered what might happen to us as we ran from one door to the next without any supervising parent. Randy would leave us immediately as we were too young and we were baggage for our big brother. It was scary and the older boys salivated as they could smell our youthful naïve vulnerability. In those days, my Mom was home busy giving candy to all the trick or treaters so we were on our own. We could stay out late and fill our candy bags as full as we wanted as long as we could carry them home.
I do remember one odd night when this man appeared for the first time at our rented home and my Mom reminded me this was my Dad. I looked at him nervously wondering what a DAD meant and sheepishly said hello. My Mom said, “how about ‘Hello Dad’”. I looked at his green eyes and said HELLO. He grabbed me and his whiskers rubbed my cheeks and it hurt and he kissed me hard on the mouth. I did not like it. Then he told my Mom that he wanted to take us boys to trick or treat to the club and then he would bring us back. I can still remember going up to each man at the club ( BAR ) and saying trick or treat in the middle of the stench, the smoke and cackling and some drunk would pick me up and hug me with his smoker alcohol breath and put a quarter in my Halloween bag. It was a scary and confusing environment for me and left me cold and lonely. Somehow I knew I was in a WRONG place with the WRONG people and it reflected poorly on my dad. Each time I see the James Dean movie, East of Eden, there is a scene in that movie that reminds me of the repulsion my heart felt in that old drunken Eagle’s Club bar full of drunks.
On other so called more normal occasions, my younger brother Andy and I were turned loose with our pillow cases as our candy bag and off we went. I can remember Andy getting his Halloween candy sack stolen from some punk who ran off with my bro’s goods. Unresolved Injustices you say……as it all began back then with “choices” and forks in the road. A few years later, as PUNKS we began to model what we had seen and perpetuated the ugly template as we transitioned to the so called rite of passage. We escalated it a bit and added some more drama and hick creativity and took our BB guns out and when we saw older kids dressed up or overweight people dressed up we shot them in the butt with a BB gun and watched them yelp in pain as we laughed hidden in the shadows of darkness. That sadistic behavior then escalated to thumb tacks. Yes, we used to put tacks in their seats in school also and watch them pee their pants when their overly plump butts sat on those sharp tacks. Yes I am so sorry for Linda Vasquez and others who I was the consummate prankster. Identity….what is it you are searching for if you have no idea what is good and what is bad? I searched for control of something in my youth. In retrospect, we probably only shot one or two in the butt with our BB guns but I am truly sorry that I was such a latch key punk. Shot a lot of street lights out though and that was cool. And sure had fun taking that old tar can and lighting it on fire and tying the on fire tar can to a rope we had draped across a dark street up by the city park. Talk about angry drivers when they came around a corner and all of a sudden the fire popped up right in front of their car as they slammed on their brakes. Barely got away I was laughing so hard a few times! My apologies to the City ofRawlins,Wyoming! In retrospect I try to teach my boys to reason from principle and not be punks. As parents we know that does not always work with kids. Yes, I sure enjoyed the life of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer who would surely be placed in jail today for 5- 10 years! In retrospect, I really had no template in life, except, to write and create my own. Toilet paper, bubble gum and thumb tacks with my special BB gun gave me identity in a vacuum, and some laughter with my buddies looking for fun in a podunk town. I could go on and on but it just might cause Huck Finn to be reincarnated and he would get me in trouble. The Huck Finns of my world are of course now, upstanding citizens. I will hold back their identity .
As I am now older and boring as a parent, I look at my younger boys and reflect deeply. I tell them good stories about Heidi and Derek and Wendy. I tell them that Halloween is about having fun, and sharing your candy with others, especially the little ones who just cannot keep up. Halloween can teach indulgence and narcissism or it can teach love, sensitivity and modeling. My son Derek and daughters Heidi and Wendy have learned over time the good and bad of having a dad named Larry Wilcox. The good is they know I love them dearly and my model for behavior is constantly growing and evolving and reaching for a better place.
I believe a parent must learn every day of their lives and in some cases, accelerated learning and coaching is warranted! I hope parents realize how much they contribute or diminish in the evolution of identity in a child. Coaches, teachers, policemen contribute so very much. I hope the MASK of Halloween is not the choice for children searching decades for who they are and what their character is about. My goal in this piece was not to wallow in my background but to share with you why I think it is so important to interface with kids on many levels and to discuss the significance of all of it with some wisdom that will help them become good citizens in a shorter period of time. Parenting is such a difficult and life long path isn’t it? Someone asked me what I would do to improve schools recently and I said provide PARENT COACHES; provide TEACHER COACHES; provide POLICE COACHES and get the community involved in this life long education!
Have a happy Halloween and more importantly, please help your children navigate the treacherous roads of maturity and the definition of character. Talk, share, cry, laugh give them some positive arrows for their quiver in life. Keep them away from Deans of Schools who JUDGE them instead of nurture them. Go fishing….and talk….slow down….and talk……go hiking…and watch the sunset…and hug them with a deep loving eye.
My mask is now on I think or maybe that is just an older Larry….……Happy Halloween to all.
God Bless,
Larry
WOW. very well said. Your writting is always beautiful and meaningful. Thank you.
Thank you Susan…..and thanks for taking the time to read it and comment. Your TIME is a gift I appreciate.
Powerful reading. I couldn’t help but reflect on my own parenting and go in and kiss my son as he slept. Well done, Larry, well done. …..Happy Halloween
Thank you. Hope when you kiss him and hug him….you look deep in his eyes and say you love him. That deep look gives such a soothing feeling to a child who is so vulnerable. Congrats…
That was great. I love hearing your heart in what you had to day here.
Thank you Leanne…..your HEART is worth hearing also….can’t wait to hear it and hope you share it with your family.
Thank you.
And my Denica….Thank YOU.
thank you for sharing your life stories with us, every word comes from your heart and that is why we love and respect you so much,have a wonderful halloween,god bless you and your family 🙂
Thank you so very much Julie….now Thanksgiving next!
Not having parents who cared for as long as I did put a mask on my face Larry well into my 40’s Being raised in Rawlins was probably the best thing that could have happened to this guy,because it was small enough that you could get away with the stuff we did as kids. Thanks for the walk down the lane. I have done a lot of things in my life when it comes to my kids,I may have overreacted the other way to make up for what I did not have. There is no book that comes with childbirth just trial and error.
As we have come to know each other even more on Facebook, Bill, your life means so much more to me. I always thought of you as the good boy in town and I may have poorly influenced you. LOL. Anyway, I constantly see all the good work you are doing with NPOs and charity groups….thank you Bill. You are surely a FLOWER that came out of a weed patch! Hang tough Billy….
What a great piece you have written, it reminds me so much of growing up with my mom who was also a single parent for me and my younger brother. As you probably know it was hard to bring up kids back then on your own. My father as well was an alcoholic and he hurt my Mom a lot when they were married and after. My mother constantly lived in fear for herself and for us.I remember how tough it was to grow up like that. Now after all those years here I am a single Mom as well with 2 girls and they have seen what its like to overcome challenges. But we struggled and worked together as a close family and we made it day to day. Now after being on my own for over 5 years, my oldest has graduated from college with a degree in Corrections and plans on joining the police force here in out small city and y youngest plans on teaching English as a second language in Japan. I am very proud of my girls they worked hard and know that if you want to succeed in life you have to work hard for what you want. Nothing is handed out to you. If you want something you work hard and be there for the ones you love. Happy Halloween to you Larry and thank you for your wise words…Lorraine
Lorraine, I can sincerely feel your spirit with your comments. I am happy for your children and yet I hope you also find a special happiness in yourself. I hope you can reach inside and CRY and express grief……and you can reach inside and HUG THE HELL out of your heart for accomplishing so much for your children. I hope you have experienced LOVE and if you have not….I hope you find some. God Bless…..and please take YOUR SPECIAL time!
Thank you Larry, your words mean so much. Hopefully one day I will find that special someone, I would really like that. All the best to you and your family. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, we had ours already so now is yours. All the best!!
Larry,
I just love reading your insightful articles that are always full of wisdom and thoughtfully given advice. i listen, take it in and then apply it. I agree with you on most of what you say. All of my children are grown now and have chosen to spend the day with me and our extended family at home with a nice dinner , a few movies and handing out candy to kiddos with a sweet smile on thier faces and a please be caeful.
thankyou for sharing again so eloquently some stories of your life. i appreciate it with all my heart and take it to heart every time you do so. It enriches me and i read it to my daughter Sam who not only is in chat on the weekends but, also loves the show ans asks about you.
I say to you job well done and Happy Halloween to you and your children and family and my god Bless you as you have blessed our family and all the fans who love you, who grew up watching you and for the new generations young and old who do now.
Jennifer Selle
Tell me what I say about this words, Larry? So deep. Made me reflect on my choices and what I’ve become. May God, in His mercy give me strength to move forward and be a better person! Again, thank you!
Hi Larry
As a young kid (dreaming about joining the local traffic department “oneday” – just to ride their motorbikes oneday) I NEVER missed one episode of CHiPS. You and Eric where my heroes! I am 40 years old today, and, well, never joined the traffic department, but bought my own bikes (LOL) and are still a “biker” today. I wish you a long and healthy life, and many many more days filled with joy. Lance – South Africa
Jenniefer – thank you. Well my perspective is just that…..it is only my perspective and I am humbly sharing it with you all and of course love your sharing also. I do not think that bad parenting necessarily means a bad kid and the perpetuation of another bad parent for generations to come. I do however, believe that parenting is a life long journey and it warrants lots of on going education and coaching. It is a fun journey and it seems like you are enjoying your journey. Thank you for indulging me….and please tell your special SAM…..I said hello and hugs.
Thank you again for such a wonderful column. Another glimpse into your past and what makes you who you are today is a great way to share with your fans. Remembering special moments as a kid with my parents, getting up early to go fishing with my dad and spending summer evenings with my mom doing crafts is something I was reminiscing about yesterday. Children won’t remember how much money you spent on them, but the time you spent with them.
I thank you for sharing. I too have memories of those long ago days of some times miss spent youth. I did’t realize the consditions/events of your young life and now realize how fortunate I have been tro have two loving parents who tried to raise me to be an Honorable and considerate man. We were poor in many ways yet I see the richness of my young life. I respected you and at times envied you as you appeaared to be so popular and able to be apart of so much in the functioning of all aspects of school. I to this day look up to you as you are a master piece in work. With each stroke of the masters brush the portrait of you becomes more clear and beautiful. Thank you for being my friend and most of all a Great Father to your lovely children, oh yes and not to forget a steadfast husband to MarMar.
Thank you Lenny…..you are a generous man with kind words. Keep the Faith….and God Bless you. Sorry if my young indulgent self in good ole Rawlins was ever rude or indifferent as I ran fast searching for meaning like a bull in a china closet. Hang Tough Lenny….
Gratefully
Larry
Thanks once again for sharing your memories. It takes me back to growing up myself. My life was so opposite yours. Try having a cop for a Dad and you don’t get away with anything. Being the third and youngest child my parents were the leanest with me on punishments. Thank God they had two others to practice on before me. Love your articles and your words. Your such an inspiration.
Very meaningfull. Touch my heart deeply. You are Wise, man. Thank you for sharing.
I do your appreciate you wisdom and you will always be a role model of mine. I can never thank you enough for everything you have done for me and my family. Give my best to Marlene and the all the kids.
Miss ya buddy…
Don
New Years resolution…always proof read before hitting submit, lol
Dear Mr. Larry,
Wow. Anything I read that you write blows me away. You’re writing is creative and beautiful, and the thoughts you communicate with it touch my heart and make me think. Thank you for allowing me to peek at your heart, and garner knowledge as well as inspiration to be my best.
May God richly bless you,
Miryam
Wonderful story. Thanks for being you.