Two unique gentlemen named Richard Ramos (Bakersfield, Ca) and Anthony Goulet (Dallas, Texas) dedicate their lives to the Flowers
(youth) and Gardeners (parents and teachers) of the world as gang interventionist (www.flowersandgardeners.com). They both agree that one of the things that place many youth in a vulnerable at-risk position in life is the absence of a good father or the presence of a bad father. I have interviewed these gentlemen and many others who are on the front lines of crisis management with the youth of America. Parenting is a major issue and teaching parents to model good behavior and choices is as much or greater problem than educating wayward and injured youth. The earlier the intervention the better!
The latest studies on Attachment Parenting seem to indicate that many youth become STUCK and really never received the proper parenting and attachment from their parents. Parents must be re-trained on how to re-attach and to mend and bond broken bridges so that kids can become un-stuck and begin to grow from your whole nurturing and encouragement. This nurturing and encouragement must take place unconditionally. Ironically, the parent is the one being abused during this difficult re-attachment. The Canadian psychologist, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, is the father of this “transformative” parenting and he has many excellent courses on this subject matter that all parents would benefit from.
Mama Marlaine is the leader and champion of parenting with her blog and seminars at Parenting 2.0 which I hope you all will join on LinkedIn. The range of subject matter, which includes ADHD, Adoption Parenting, Emotional IQ, Addiction Personalities, Bullies, Bi-Polar and other topics is educational and fascinating. The blog is like getting a masters degree free for your specific needs in parenting. Marlaine Cover is putting on an amazing seminar with many of the top professionals in the world regarding the topic of Parenting 2.0 and anyone who is lucky enough to purchase a ticket from her will receive a blessed gift for life. This is one seminar that we all wish we could attend. I will be filming this seminar and anxiously await the opportunity to see and listen to such great mentors.
My own parenting has run the gamut as a result of OJT (on the job training) or in my case, on the job lack of training. As a child I was pretty much a latch-key-kid and grew up acclimating to whatever issue arose from money to emotion. There was very limited time to engage in the wholeness of a relationship and the lack of such upbringing reflected in many hues thereafter. The chronology is always the same; injury; and reaction and then education and then discernment.
I have five wonderful children that have each offered challenges. However, as a parent, I was another child offering my own challenges which makes for a confused and injurious relationship. Obviously, the messages that fathers send through their words, and, more importantly, their behavior, set the tone for much of their children’s future in terms of interpersonal relationships. A father must model nurturing behavior for the children and the mother and yet, in my case, those thoughts and my ability to discern were not present. It was not that I did not care but simply did not recognize my own inadequacy and cavalier indulgence. On this Father’s Day I will not wallow in a confessional, but will tell you I have often failed miserably. It has been a very long and arduous training to become a better (not good yet) father and it is sad that it has taken so long.
Discernment is such an important word in one’s life and the lack of such is injured with Father TIME. My point is that I deeply love my children and wish that everyone could begin to learn quicker and faster the LIFE SKILLS that are necessary for parents to put one real signature on their lives, their offspring. Encourage, love and support your children the best you can and continue the lifelong responsibility of Parent Education. This education and intervention with children and grandchildren is the cornerstone for their healthy prosperity. The psychology alone is the golden key to so many emotional and intellectual doors! On this day, I am forever grateful for my children and the overt and often subtle education they gifted me. Each week I learn a better way than yesterday! I love kids and I love my continued education.
Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Wilcox. Thank you for introducing me to the Parenting 2.0 family! Marlaine is such a sweet and wise woman who really made me feel welcome and gives so much of her time to others. I know as a parent we all kind of learn by trial and error. We are not really taught how to be parents until AFTER the baby is born and we realise we are doing some stuff wrong. It is the most importand and toughest “job” we will ever have. I know every day brings some new challenges and rewards. So nice to hear that you are so passionate about learning and passing these skills down to your children.
My father passed away suddenly 2 years ago, he taught me so many things that I use to this day like: the difference between a GP9 and CP38 locomotive, if towing an object more than 200 metres behind a tug, 3 white lights must be on the mast of a towing vessle. “White on white, towing at night”. He also taught me not to chew gum and pop it while he is doing electrical work on the house (popping gum and arcing electricity make the same sound, who knew?). Also, lowering a sofa off the sundeck – not a good idea when you have 2 teenage girls holding it from above! (I think you can guess what happened to the sofa). I also got my shyness and sense of humour from my dad, he was a real-life John Candy! My love of babies also came from him. There wouldn’t be a baby around him that soon would be in his arms for hours at weddings, graduations, family events, etc. He was a man’s man with a love for children. I know that parenting to him was a learning experience, he made mistakes but was not too proud to apologise and admit he was wrong. He loved his 4 kids and was always there for us. It is on this day and every day I remember all that he taught me and hopefully I will pass this down to my kids with the same sense of humour and love my dad showed me.
Dear Larry,
Once again I am in awe of your candor. I waspretty much raised by a single mom. She was fantastic and I love her even though now she is gone. My father and her were divorced when i was eleven or so. There was contact every other weekend and holidays and summers and such. He and I are still close and I have learned much from him. One of the things I love is that he was not affraid to let us make mistakes and learn from them but was there when we did. I am lucky to have had parents that cared. There have ben times when I felt like even though half way thru my forties he still wants to have a say not understanding that I make my own decisions for myself and my children. it makes me mad sometimes because some of the deciions are personal. However then it could be something the kids here me talking about in the conversaton and they get mad. It is then that I take a step back and go but when you are a parent… The AHH moment I guess. I continue to try the best i can with my kids and working on me too. Two of us in our family are bipolar myself and my son. We both have our moments learning to respect each-others space is a big deal. The severity of the two cases vary but consequently still is living with me. Still needing to finish school and learn what satisfaction at completing a task means. I need to thank you for part of that we watch the show together and then we talk about it. So chat has become a family affair now I could not be any happier. This week decisions were made about getting better about personal, scholastic and bipolar responsibility. What would Jon do is a familiar phrase here now only now since chat it is a what would Larry or Jon do. You are still a huge part of my life and thiers and i wanted to say to you thanks for being a part of our lives and Happy fathers day. From what you have said in your writings your children are very blessed to have you as their father as we are to have you as a mentor.
I really love the piece that you wrote on fatherhood.
Hi. As a single mother of two grown children I can not agree with you more on the importance of having a father in the picture. Unfortunately, my kids were raised with out a dad because of the violence that he caused. Today my kids are 23 and 19 yrs of age.My eldest, she has alot of problems in areas of relationships because of the violence she witnessed for the first four yrs of her life. To her, a man who is abusive is a good protector from others. Where as my son, he grew up not knowing his dad at all and so he has no idea how he is supposed to treat a woman, and has no idea how to deal with a woman authority figure. He is very resentful. He told me once he doesn’t hate me, but he just gets so angry and doesn’t know why. I know its because he didn’t have a positive father figure in his life, but, I did my very best to be both mom and dad to him. I have no regrets about how I raised them, but I do regret having exposed them to the violence of a man who should have loved them, and didn’t,
All that children need is love, a grown up to take responsibility for them, and a soft place to land. I have three beautiful, wonderful, HAPPY sons and considering the environment I grew up in and not wanting to have children because of it, I couldn’t be happier! I’m sure you are a wonderful father, don’t be so hard on yourself. My BIO-father disowned me when I was young, I have 7 brothers, and me the only female, I haven’t seen my BIO in over 25 years and I don’t miss him at all, mostly because of what he did and the things he said to me. I can’t imagine that you were anything like that to your children. Enjoy them while you can, and I’m sure that they all love you just the way you are!