Two unique gentlemen named Richard Ramos (Bakersfield, Ca) and Anthony Goulet (Dallas, Texas) dedicate their lives to the Flowers (youth) and Gardeners (parents and teachers) of the world as gang interventionist (www.flowersandgardeners.com). They both agree that one of the things that place many youth in a vulnerable at-risk position in life is the absence of a good father or the presence of a bad father. I have interviewed these gentlemen and many others who are on the front lines of crisis management with the youth of America. Parenting is a major issue and teaching parents to model good behavior and choices is as much or greater problem than educating wayward and injured youth. The earlier the intervention the better!
The latest studies on Attachment Parenting seem to indicate that many youth become STUCK and really never received the proper parenting and attachment from their parents. Parents must be re-trained on how to re-attach and to mend and bond broken bridges so that kids can become un-stuck and begin to grow from your whole nurturing and encouragement. This nurturing and encouragement must take place unconditionally. Ironically, the parent is the one being abused during this difficult re-attachment. The Canadian psychologist, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, is the father of this “transformative” parenting and he has many excellent courses on this subject matter that all parents would benefit from.
Mama Marlaine is the leader and champion of parenting with her blog and seminars at Parenting 2.0 which I hope you all will join on LinkedIn. The range of subject matter, which includes ADHD, Adoption Parenting, Emotional IQ, Addiction Personalities, Bullies, Bi-Polar and other topics is educational and fascinating. The blog is like getting a masters degree free for your specific needs in parenting. Marlaine Cover is putting on an amazing seminar with many of the top professionals in the world regarding the topic of Parenting 2.0 and anyone who is lucky enough to purchase a ticket from her will receive a blessed gift for life. This is one seminar that we all wish we could attend. I will be filming this seminar and anxiously await the opportunity to see and listen to such great mentors.
My own parenting has run the gamut as a result of OJT (on the job training) or in my case, on the job lack of training. As a child I was pretty much a latch-key-kid and grew up acclimating to whatever issue arose from money to emotion. There was very limited time to engage in the wholeness of a relationship and the lack of such upbringing reflected in many hues thereafter. The chronology is always the same; injury; and reaction and then education and then discernment.
I have five wonderful children that have each offered challenges. However, as a parent, I was another child offering my own challenges which makes for a confused and injurious relationship. Obviously, the messages that fathers send through their words, and, more importantly, their behavior, set the tone for much of their children’s future in terms of interpersonal relationships. A father must model nurturing behavior for the children and the mother and yet, in my case, those thoughts and my ability to discern were not present. It was not that I did not care but simply did not recognize my own inadequacy and cavalier indulgence. On this Father’s Day I will not wallow in a confessional, but will tell you I have often failed miserably. It has been a very long and arduous training to become a better (not good yet) father and it is sad that it has taken so long.
Discernment is such an important word in one’s life and the lack of such is injured with Father TIME. My point is that I deeply love my children and wish that everyone could begin to learn quicker and faster the LIFE SKILLS that are necessary for parents to put one real signature on their lives, their offspring. Encourage, love and support your children the best you can and continue the lifelong responsibility of Parent Education. This education and intervention with children and grandchildren is the cornerstone for their healthy prosperity. The psychology alone is the golden key to so many emotional and intellectual doors! On this day, I am forever grateful for my children and the overt and often subtle education they gifted me. Each week I learn a better way than yesterday! I love kids and I love my continued education.